Tuesday 17th June - Day 132

so i lasted a day on my re-start... why oh why cant i get back into it???????

12 weeks was a piece of piss first time round now i cant even do a day!
i guess to same level of motivation just is'nt there when you have less weight to shift :-(

only had chicken but still why did i do it????

this is how it happened;

other half came home early yesterday afternoon and said 'you still doing shakes?', lol even he knows i cant last a whole day (only started this morning!). i said why? he said 'just wondered if you wanted a chinese tonight?'....aarrgghhhh!

so this put ideas in my head for the rest of the day and 'all' evening i was drooling and mulling over the idea of breaking the diet but managed to say no and only had some chicken and salad leaves. not too bad i guess... BUT after the chicken i REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to eat more. its like that voice in your head that leads to a binge... oh well ive f****ed up so may as well carry on eating. but as there was no crap in the house i couldnt carry on eating... thankfully!

sooooo this morning i wake up feeling like crap but also feeling like my 'binge' was not complete! i hadnt f***ed up enough to be able to get back on track. i needed to eat more to get back onto ss... weird i know! so i went to tesco this morning and got a pain au chocolat and some cadburys choc and a cheese ploughmans sarnie and some jaffa cakes!!!! yikes...

had to get this idea of cheating out of the way and get my head back onto SS, cant explain it really. but it was like my cheat on monday was not a real cheat so i had to turn it into a full blow-out in order to justify it!

also had fish and chips tonight... feel yukky now! but also feel like i can get back on track tomorrow as i have eaten enough to warrant coming off ss... hope this makes sense!